To Botox Or Not: That Is The Question
By Michael Kimmel, LCSW

esteemMore and more of my clients are asking me if I think it’s
wrong to get botox or restyling treatments to look younger. I
have other clients who go to Brazil, Mexico and even Hong Kong
for plastic surgery. A client who just had his eyes “done,” told
me, “I just want to look like myself, only ‘fresher’.” At a
recent conference for psychiatrists and psychotherapists, some
of my colleagues admitted that they had some work “done” (tummy
tuck, facelift, eyelift, etc.). I guess it’s pretty popular,
isn’t it? But I wonder, how does all this altering your
appearance relate to our wellness and mental health?

Plastic surgery and less "major" forms of body altering are
heavily promoted these days in the media. Injecting Botox (a
poison) into your body is considered perfectly normal. We don’t
seem to care what the doctor injects into us, as long as we get
fewer wrinkles. Let's cut to the chase here (pun intended) and
ask: why would I want to alter my body or face surgically? What
would be my goal?

When clients come to me debating whether they should have
plastic surgery, I encourage them to dig a bit deeper into their
psyches. Why not ask a bigger question, like: What do I want to
achieve from this procedure? Is it:

· To like myself better?
· To have the admiration of others?
· To look like the bodies I most admire in others?

Answering these questions will give you some clarity into your
motivation…and why not give it some thought? These procedures
are typically very expensive and not without risk. Before you
spend all that time and money, why not see if there are other
easier and cheaper ways to achieve your goals. For example,
let’s say your goal is to be admired by others. Once others
admire you, how will that change your life? I’ve had clients who
actually felt worse after their plastic surgery, because they
spent all that time and money and still felt shitty about
themselves afterwards. They were MORE depressed after the
bandages came off than before; before the surgery they hoped
they’d like themselves more with a new nose, flatter stomach,
less baggy eyes, whatever. They found out the hard way that
changing the outside doesn’t necessarily change how you feel
inside: it may help you feel better about yourself (for example,
if you have a nose you really don’t like, or feel your teeth
keep you from smiling), but don’t count on it! Consider this:

· If your goal is to like yourself more, are there better ways
to do it than altering your appearance? Is self-esteem really
based on physical appearance? If this were true, the most
beautiful people would be the happiest people (and we know this
is not true).

· Would working on raising your self-esteem be a better
investment than a few thousand bucks for a “fresher” face?

· Would you be more likely to have the admiration of others if
you were the type of person people liked, felt comfortable with
and could emotionally connect with?

· If you want to have the kind of body that others admire,
would exercise (lifting weights, yoga, jogging) and eating more
healthily be more effective in the long run than a tummy tuck?

Why do so many of us feel so desperate to change our image? Why
do we allow the media to make us feel bad about our bodies? If
we are unhealthy, ill or vulnerable to disease, that’s one
thing. But if we are none of these and just don't like how we
look, wouldn't a more powerful question be: why am I so
dependent on what others think of my appearance?

Promoting body insecurity sells products that promise us the
illusion of popularity and admiration. If you depend on
externals like Botox or plastic surgery to feel good about
yourself, you’re doomed to eventual despair. This stuff is
temporary. It doesn’t last. The only thing that really lasts –
and is likely to improve as you age – is your mental health.
Physically, we all age, eventually get sick and die. We can
fight it for a while, but none of us gets out of here alive, and
few of us do it looking “fresh” and youthful.

Hoping to achieve the perfect face and body is like going on a
trip knowing we will never get to the destination. There is no
real “perfection” out there, and even if we somehow manage to
get there, it’s temporary. Today’s fashion model (our alleged
cultural ideal) is typically passé in a few years. The perfect
man/woman is an image that changes all the time. I worked in the
fashion industry for 20 years, and here’s a dirty little secret:
if the image of the perfect man/woman doesn't change, you can’t
sell new products (clothes, skin care, cosmetics, hair color,
etc.) so the ideal standard of beauty is constantly in
motion…and the consumer product industry is always on the
outlook for new things to sell us. A recent fashion magazine
article talked about plastic surgery methods for altering
elbows, stating that faces, hands and most other body parts are
easily altered now, and that elbows, yes, innocent functional
little elbows, are the next new area for plastic surgery.

In closing, I return to the original question: “is it wrong to
get botox or restyling treatments to look younger”. I suggest
replacing it with two more practical questions: “will this
really make me feel better about who I am?” and “if it does, is
this temporary or will it last?” If you want to feel better
about yourself, perhaps there are other, more lasting and
cheaper, ways to do so. Do your homework, ask yourself the tough
questions, and make your decision. The choice is yours

About the Author: Michael Kimmel,LCSW, is an openly-gay
psychotherapist with a private practice in San Diego, CA.
Michael writes the "Wellness" column for San Diego's BUZZ
magazine Contact Michael at
http://www.therapistlist.org/michael-kimmel

Source: http://www.isnare.com

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